December 21, 2010


Why do people hate fruitcake so much?  I don't understand it.  I think there are very few foods in the world that deserve scathing and mockery.  After all, they are just foods.

This year I made fruitcake.  Don't feel compelled to read this post if you are a hater.  When I was buying all my ingredients at the grocery store, the clerk very politely said, "It looks like you're going to be baking!"  I replied, "Yes, I'm making fruitcake."  She became markedly less friendly and said, "Well, I hope you enjoy that."  I do enjoy fruitcake.  I wouldn't eat it all year, but I don't mind a piece around the holidays.  Even if you don't like it, you should appreciate the time it takes to make a fruitcake.  Here are the steps:

Step 1 - Assemble your ingredients

Step 2 - Chop up the fruits and nuts
(I used apricots, citron, orange, golden raisins, pecans, and walnuts.  Save a few whole pieces to use in decorating the fruitcakes later.)

Step 3 - Mix everything together
Have fun mixing six pounds of dried fruits and nuts by hand!

Step 4 - Bake everything in a water bath for a few hours

Step 5 - Decorate the top of the fruitcakes with a few whole fruits and nuts and then brush a glaze over everything

Step 6 - Wrap up the fruitcakes and store them in airtight containers in a cool, dry, dark place for a few weeks

Step 7 - Wrap each fruitcake in parchment paper

Step 8 - Package your fruitcake (I used cellophane bags, but you could also use a tin, some tissue paper over the parchment paper, ribbon, etc.)

Step 9 - Add a tag and attach it with a sticker with a slight subliminal message ("You will gain great joy from this festive loaf.")

Step 10 - Enjoy your fruitcake and learn not to let other people's food negativity spoil your snack

P.S. If anyone wants the actual recipe, leave me a comment and I will happily post it.

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